6/22/2007 8:32 PMH Suzanne Rappel wrote:
Dear Mindy God works in the most bizarre and creative ways to lead me daily away from the fear and towards the Joy. Finding your site today was one of them. On May 1st, I left a 27 year marriage. Ten years ago as a result of my husband's unconscious terror in not wanting to work on and heal the severe abuse he suffered as a child, he doomed himself to repeating in our marriage the very same. As a result, the last 10 years turned so abusive, that I now have post traumatic stress disorder. On my 50th birthday, which was April 30th, I decided that there was no time left to spend in this quagmire of the heart. I drove up from Shohola, Pa and rented a 1 BR carriage house in the hopes that once the mud settled I could find a 2-3 bedroom furnished home close to town here , get whichever of my children who wanted to come with me and try to start over. Five out of seven days are usually positive and hopeful, but the other two, one of which is today, are like sinking in quicksand. I work as a psychiatric nurse at the Mid Hudson Forensic Psychiatric Center by Middletown with patients who have comitted horrific crimes as a result of their mental illness. I have faced many of my own fears just by showing up for work there. If you ever told me that I would be working at such a place even five years ago, I would have told you that you were very delusional. But I pray in my car for the long ride down, that the God of my understanding continues to place light in my heart, mind and soul as St. Francis asked when he prayed to understand rather to be understood. I try as much as I can to give respect, compassion and kindness in the atmosphere of my ward and I have much gratitude when I turn the key in the lock at 11pm and leave the prison that they cannot and drive 'home' to Woodstock. Today was my one day off this week and I am feeling so mentally weary and exhausted because I still have not found a rental. I wanted to be out of this too small one by June 30th, because I don't have the money to waste on another month here. Three of my children have joined me and this place is way too small. We have moved so much in the last 5 years, that to say my heart yearns for a 'home', is starving for a 'home' to tend a garden in, to grow morning glories, roses and jasmine, is the understatement of my existence. But then, accidentally, I came upon your site, and Smiled. I was looking for a hair salon and found a here salon. It will happen. Next Tuesday I have off for ten days. Pray for me and send me a smile or two, that we find a cozy, love filled rental that we can all heal in and let our roots out to grow. Smiles Suzanne myspace.com/jobinejones Julian (after JULIAN OF NORWICH) Reply to this
This has a profound implications .
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Dear Mindy
God works in the most bizarre and creative ways to lead me daily away from the fear and towards the Joy. Finding your site today was one of them.
On May 1st, I left a 27 year marriage. Ten years ago as a result of my husband's unconscious terror in not wanting to work on and heal the severe abuse he suffered as a child, he doomed himself to repeating in our marriage the very same. As a result, the last 10 years turned so abusive, that I now have post traumatic stress disorder.
On my 50th birthday, which was April 30th, I decided that there was no time left to spend in this quagmire of the heart. I drove up from Shohola, Pa and rented a 1 BR carriage house in the hopes that once the mud settled I could find a 2-3 bedroom furnished home close to town here , get whichever of my children who wanted to come with me and try to start over.
Five out of seven days are usually positive and hopeful, but the other two, one of which is today, are like sinking in quicksand. I work as a psychiatric nurse at the Mid Hudson Forensic Psychiatric Center by Middletown with patients who have comitted horrific crimes as a result of their mental illness. I have faced many of my own fears just by showing up for work there.
If you ever told me that I would be working at such a place even five years ago, I would have told you that you were very delusional. But I pray in my car for the long ride down, that the God of my understanding continues to place light in my heart, mind and soul as St. Francis asked when he prayed to understand rather to be understood.
I try as much as I can to give respect, compassion and kindness in the atmosphere of my ward and I have much gratitude when I turn the key in the lock at 11pm and leave the prison that they cannot and drive 'home' to Woodstock.
Today was my one day off this week and I am feeling so mentally weary and exhausted because I still have not found a rental. I wanted to be out of this too small one by June 30th, because I don't have the money to waste on another month here. Three of my children have joined me and this place is way too small. We have moved so much in the last 5 years, that to say my heart yearns for a 'home', is starving for a 'home' to tend a garden in, to grow morning glories, roses and jasmine, is the understatement of my existence.
But then, accidentally, I came upon your site, and Smiled. I was looking for a hair salon and found a here salon. It will happen. Next Tuesday I have off for ten days. Pray for me and send me a smile or two, that we find a cozy, love filled rental that we can all heal in and let our roots out to grow.
Smiles
Suzanne
myspace.com/jobinejones
Julian (after JULIAN OF NORWICH)
Reply to this